I have been doing research for the Steve Harvey TV Show interview I will bedoing on Kissing. This is on of the ariticles I had in my files when I wasworking on my book.
Your Brain On Sex
Submitted by Marnia on Fri, 2005-06-24 17:04
NOTE: If you're interested in understandingthe effects of today's hyperstimulating Internet porn on the brain watch The Great Porn Experiment (TEDx talk) or visit Your Brain On Porn.
The following twoarticles update key aspects of this page Your Brain On Sex:
· Men: Does Frequent EjaculationCause A Hangover?
· Women: Does Orgasm Give You AHangover?
Let’s look at whatgoes on in the brain during sex and orgasm. Although you may think everythinghappens between your legs, the experience of orgasm actually occurs betweenyour ears. All thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations you have correlatewith specific nerve cells being activated. Orgasm, like all experiences, isbrought about by electric impulses flowing along paths of connected nervecells. Orgasm happens when specific pleasure pathways are turned on, while yourdefense pathways are turned off.
All this happensby means of chemical messengers and the nerve cell receptors they bind to.These neurochemical changes take place primarily in the limbic system, a veryold part of the brain with circuitry that is common to all mammals. Theseancient limbic circuits control almost all bodily functions.
The limbicsystem's job is to keep you alive and reproducing. It does this by avoidingpain and repeating what is pleasurable. The limbic system is the seat ofemotions, drives, impulses and desires – including sexual ones. It’s where youfall in and out of love…or lust. Due to the nature of the limbic system, youcannot will your feelings, emotions, falling in love, or staying in love,anymore than you can will your heart to beat, or yourself to digest a meal orsleep. The limbic system has been around for well over 100,000,000 years,lurking right beneath your large, rational neo-cortex.
Rats, apes andhumans use the same neurochemicals to operate the same functions in this partof the brain. Keep in mind that scientists aren't studying rodent brains tohelp them with their addictions and erections! Studying animals andhumans, scientists have begun to unravel the neurochemistry of lust, attachmentand falling in love. Falling in love involves simultaneous activation anddeactivation of discrete parts of the limbic system. For every biological eventin your body, there is a biological cause. In this case, the cause isneurochemicals—and the pathways they turn on and off.
Neurochemical Commands: Your World Revolves Around Dopamine
The central neurochemical player behind falling in—and out—of love isdopamine. Dopamine is the principal neurochemical that activates your rewardcircuitry, the centerpiece of the limbic system. Your reward circuitry drivesnearly all of your behaviors. In other words, most all roads lead to Rome, orto the reward circuitry, so you can assess things as "good, bad, orindifferent."
At its most basic,this circuit is activated when you engage in activities that further yoursurvival, or the continuation of your genes. Whether it’s sex, eating, takingrisks, achieving goals, or drinking water, all increase dopamine, and dopamineturns on your reward circuitry. You can think of dopamine as the "Gottahave it!" neurochemical, whatever "it" is. It’s the "craving"signal. The more dopamine you release and the more your reward circuit isactivated, the more you want or crave something.
A good example isfood. We get a much bigger blast of dopamine eating high-calorie foods than wedo low-calorie foods. It’s why we choose chocolate cake over Brussels sprouts.Our reward circuit is programmed so that "calories equal survival." You’re not actually craving ice cream, or a winning lotto ticket, or even aromp in the sack. You’re craving the dopamine that is released with theseactivities. Dopamine is your major motivation, not the item or activity.
Dopamine is notthe only neurochemical involved with reward, but it’s the one that motivatesyou to go after the reward. Dopamine governs the feelings of wanting,yet the experience of liking or enjoying something is probably due to opioids.Opioids are your brain's own morphine and endorphins. Dopamine drives us towardeating or orgasm, but the experience of the actual orgasm or eating chocolatearises from opioids goosing the reward circuit. In essence, dopamine is neversatisfied.
Addiction mechanisms are extraordinarilycomplex, and not fully understood. Yet the one aspect they share is dopamine dysregulation. Alladdictive substances and activities share one thing – the ability to stronglyelevate dopamine levels. Watching porn, accumulating money, gaining power overothers, gambling, compulsive shopping, video games…if something really boosts yourdopamine, then it’s potentially addictive for you. Why did Martha Stewartrisk everything for more money? She got a thrill from a stock market gamble.She didn’t need the money; she (thought she) needed the dopamine.
Addictive highsmimic the good feelings of the basic activities for which we're actuallywired...by hijacking our reward circuitry. Only a few substances (alcohol,cocaine, etc.) have the ability jack up dopamine – that’s why they areaddictive. We can also hijack it with extremely stimulating versions of naturalbehaviors: casinos with hot hostesses, novel porn at every click, tasty junkfood filled with fat and sugar, and so forth. Dopamine especially responds tonovelty and the unexpected, among natural stimuli.
Don't fall intolabeling dopamine as bad. There's no such thing as a bad neurochemicalor hormone, although either can become a problem when out of balance. Dopamineis absolutely necessary for your decision-making, happiness, and survival. Yetwhen it’s too low or too high (or when changes in its receptors alter yoursensitivity), it can cause real problems. If you look at this chart you can seesome behaviors and conditions associated with dopamine levels or withsensitivity to dopamine. Sensitivity equates with how many receptors a nervecell has for dopamine.
It's true thatsome of the conditions listed are at extreme ends of the dopamine spectrum.Nonetheless, dopamine is involved with many aspects of mood, behavior, andperception. Even small shifts in dopamine sensitivity or levels can haveprofound effects on how you see the world, or your partner.
The key word on the list below is bonding.Bonding is more than a behavior. It is a mammalian program, the program thatpermits parenting and living in groups. When dopamine drops, you are likely tofind your partner less rewarding—and your bond unravels.
Dopamine Levels (or altered sensitivity to dopamine)
| Excess | Deficient | "Normal" |
| Addictions | Addictions | Healthy bonding |
| Compulsions | Depression | Feelings of well-being, satisfaction |
| Mania | Anhedonia—no pleasure, world looks colorless | Pleasure, reward in accomplishing tasks |
| Sexual fetishes | Lack of ambition and drive | Healthy libido |
| Sexual addiction | Inability to bond | Good feelings toward others |
| Unhealthy risk-taking | Low libido | Motivated |
| Aggression | Erectile dysfunction | Healthy risk taking |
| Psychosis | Social anxiety disorder | Sound choices |
| Schizophrenia | ADHD or ADD | Realistic expectations |
| Sleep disturbances, "restless legs" | Parent/child bonding | |
| Contentment with "little" things |
The power ofdopamine and our reward circuitry are seen in classic experiments done on rats.Consider what happens when sadistic scientists put a starving rat on one sideof a grid with electric current running through it and food on the other side.The rat will not cross the pain-producing grid. Yet put a rat with an electrodeplanted in her reward circuitry on one side of the grid and a lever she knowswill stimulate her reward circuitry on the other, and she’ll dash across thegrid to tap that lever nonstop. Stimulation of her reward circuitry becomes hertop priority, because it’s telling her inner compass that a big reward is justaround the corner. She will ignore food, even if starving, or abandon herunweaned pups just to tap that lever until she drops.
If the rat ismale, he’ll ignore a receptive female to tap it until he drops. Humansimplanted with similar electrodes (decades ago) experienced a constant urge totap their levers, as well as intense sexual arousal—but not pleasure or orgasmitself. They also reported an undercurrent of anxiety.
Despite theobvious differences between rats and humans, rats have been called"guiding flashlights" for understanding the primitive mechanisms ofour own brain.
Sexually-satiated male rats take up to fifteen days to recover their full desire for sex (although they can get it up longbefore they are back to full steam). Meanwhile, even if they're feelingsexually sluggish, there is a reliable way to jump-start them, which we’ll getto in a moment. (Female rats also show evidence of a similar cycle in the form of predictable surges of prolactin after vigorous copulation,whether or not they become pregnant. A shadow version of this prolactin cyclehas now been detected in women, and may be connected with post-sex mood swings in some women.)
Research also shows that male rats experiencea reduction in testosteronereceptors for up to a week within their reward circuitry.Hormones and neurochemicals dock with receptors on the nerve cells. In thiscase, fewer receptors mean less sensitivity to circulating testosterone. Theresult is that the reward circuitry pumps out less dopamine. It's like thereward circuitry's batteries are low. If this happens in females, it would alsoreduce their sexual desire.
Low testosterone (or decreased sensitivity toit) is associated with irritability and anger. Serotonin and endorphin levelsalso rise in the reward circuitry of sexually-satiated rats. Most of us haveheard that these are "happy neurochemicals," but in this part of thelimbic system both function to put on the brakes instead of just producingwarm, fuzzy feelings.
Dopamine and the Coolidge Effect
Humans, likevirtually all mammals, are not naturally monogamous (as in sexually exclusive),although many individuals are. This may not sound very romantic, but no mammalsare sexually exclusive. (A few, such as humans, are "socially monogamous."That is, they typically raise their offspring together.) It is therefore likelythat our mating neurochemistry is set up to accomplish two goals. It encouragesbonding so we co-parent.
Yet there is alsoa conflicting program to push us out of those bonds—at least far enough to adda novel mate. From chimps to rats, the same neurochemical events drivemammalian behaviors, and they are driving them to be promiscuous. Is it likelythat Mr. and Mrs. Rodent are growing apart in their relationship? Could theexcitement be gone from their marriage? Perhaps Mrs. Chimp spends too muchmoney, or nags too much. Maybe Mr. Chimp watches too much football or doesn’thelp much with housework. Not likely. Just like us, they have a subconsciousprogram, triggered by mating, found in their limbic systems, which biology usesto urge them tire of their mates and move on to new mates.
During the week or two that the hangover from orgasm lingers, our large,rational brain proposes logical reasons to explain our relationship disharmony.Orgasm is natural…absolutely. But it may also be natural for both men and womento sour on a mate, to suddenly find a spouse unattractive, irritating, andwholly unreasonable. It may even be natural to become wholly unreasonable, andthus hasten the departure of a mate.
Now, we know thatall of you are wondering about that sure-fire way to jump-start male rats'flagging libido. Perhaps you can already guess. All you have to do is introducea new, receptive female. That may not be the answer you were hoping for…orperhaps it was!
Have you ever heard of the "CoolidgeEffect?" Because that’s what we're addressing. Scientists have discoveredthat—after a frenzy of copulation—a male rat will lose interest in a female.BUT should a new female show up, he’ll perk up long enough to service her.1
This process ofpresenting novel mates to males can be continued until they practically die ofexhaustion—once again proving that biology doesn’t give a rat’s…hindquartersabout anything but propelling genes into the future.
The Coolidge Effect has been observed in every species tested, and not just in males. Ladyrodents prefer to seduce new guys, too. The Coolidge Effect just might play arole in human affairs as well. Marnia once talked with a man who had stoppedcounting at 350 lovers. He said, "I really don’t understand it. I lostinterest in all of them sexually so quickly—and some of those women are reallybeautiful, too."
The Coolidge Effect is linked to yourpost-orgasm hangover. The reason the rat loses interest is that he’s getting aweaker and weaker dopamine surge from Partner No. 1. No dopamine surge, nointerest. She is not perceived as "rewarding." The same thing happensto humans. The thrill is gone, and Partner No. 1 looks like Brussels sprouts.Now you’re primed for anything that will jack up your dopamine again. PartnerNo. 2 appears, and your dopamine soars. As if by magic, your blues are gone,and you have that heady feeling of anticipation, that sense of uninhibitedaliveness. In short, No. 2 looks like chocolate cake. (This also hasimplications for understanding today's binging on Internet porn.)
Assuming we don't learn how to steer for lasting bonds by taming our limbic system, our reward circuitry will push us to do justwhat it evolved to do (once our temporary honeymoon neurochemistry wears off).We'll get less and less dopamine "reward" during sex with our currentmate. Notice that this is similar to what occurs when people use drugs, playintense video games, binge on Internet porn, or gamble. They seek more and morestimulation to get the same high. In short, feelings of sexual satiety do notpromote romance—which calls into question a lot of today's relationship adviceabout producing bigger, better and more frequent orgasms.
The truth has beenrecognized for thousands of years. Here's a poem from the ancient Greek Anthology.
Once plighted, nomen would go whoring.
They'd stay withthe one they adore,
If women were halfas alluring
After the act asbefore.
Back to our tale.What if No. 2 doesn’t show up for your tryst, and you’re left in the doldrums?Unlike rats, you have many dopamine-raising possibilities—from Internet porn,gambling and alcohol, to the dopamine agonists drug companies are producing tolight a fire under slumbering libidos (not recommended, due to risky sideeffects). These "fixes" make you feel better briefly, but as far asyour well-being goes, they are like eating junk food—a net loss. As biologistRobert Sapolsky observed, there is a price for blasting our reward circuitrytoo enthusiastically in our efforts to counter the blues.
Unnaturally strong explosions of synthetic experience and sensation andpleasure evoke unnaturally strong degrees of habituation.... Our tragedy isthat we just become hungrier." In short, there are advantages to steeringfor equilibrium initially, rather than always reaching for more stimulation tocope.
Your limbic system is not equipped tounderstand that there can be too much of a good thing. It just keeps rewardingyou to do the same unrewarding things because they register as thingsthat once served your ancestors. A "fix" just positions you for a continuous addictive cycle ofhighs, more lows, and a search for more highs. Many of us spend much of our sexlives caught in this cycle—with no obvious way out.
The Power of Equilibrium
We have talked about how roller coaster levels of dopamine can breakcouples apart, but there’s also something holding couples together. Theneurochemical that binds couples together is oxytocin, the "cuddlehormone" or "bonding hormone." Without it, we could not stay inlove. Falling in love is associated with a soup of neurochemicals—likeadrenaline, which makes your heart race, and, as we have mentioned, dopamine,which makes you crave your beloved, and low serotonin, which can make youobsessed with someone. But the heartwarming, loving, "gushy" aspectsof love are probably due to oxytocin.
Oxytocin hasvarious functions in the body, such as inducing labor contractions and milkejection, but from evolutionary biology’s perspective, its main behavioralfunction is to bond us to our children for life. It also serves to bond us toour mate…at least long enough to fall in love with our child so that it has twocaregivers for its long childhood and adolescence. Friendships are also builton oxytocin, and can be quite deep bonds.
Yet, what happens to friendships that turninto sexual relationships? Often things change for the worse. This change is an excellent example of the post-sexual satiationneurochemical shift, or hangover, kicking in. Oxytocin and dopamine are the yinand yang of bonding and love. Dopamine furnishes the kick, oxytocin makes a particularmate appealing, in part by triggering feelings of comfort. You need bothacting on the reward circuitry at ideal levels to stay in love. In experiments,if scientists block either oxytocin or dopamine, mothers will ignore theirpups.
There's evidence that these twoneurochemicals stimulate each other's release, so if one is low, it affects levels of the other. As sexual satiationplays havoc with dopamine, lovers can end up with a double-whammy effect ontheir precious emotional bonds. Low dopamine (or dopamine receptors) aloneinterferes with feelings of love, and it may reduce oxytocin levels or the brain'ssensitivity to oxytocin. As things go sour, something interferes withoxytocin's bonding effects. It's likely that it's (temporary) low dopamine, orreduced sensitivity to it.
The good news is that making love whileavoiding sexual satiation is the loophole in biology’s plan for our love lives.This is the secret that the ancient sacred-sexuality sages stumbled upon. Making love with lots of affection, without thedopamine-driven highs and lows of conventional sex, seems to keep neurochemicallevels balanced.
There's some evidence that the more oxytocinyou produce, the more receptive to it key nerve cells become. This is theopposite of dopamine. In addicts, dopamine receptors start to decrease as thenerve cells protect themselves from overstimulation. Addicts then need more andmore of a drug (more and more dopamine). Luckily you don’t need anever-increasing "fix" of oxytocin to maintain the sparkle in yourromance. Daily bonding behaviors can make your partner look betterand better—at least to you. This is why dailyaffection, with less orgasm, can strengthen your bond with your mate.
Oxytocin isassociated with significant benefits, both emotionally and physically. In fact,oxytocin may be the answer to the question, "What is the mechanism bywhich love and affection positively affect our health?" Consider thefollowing research:
· Oxytocin reduces cravings. Whenscientists administered it to rodents who were addicted to cocaine, morphine,or heroin, the rats opted for less drugs, or showed fewer symptoms ofwithdrawal. (Kovacs, 1998 )
· Oxytocin calms. A single rat injectedwith oxytocin has a calming effect on a cage full of anxious rats. (Agren,2002)
· This quality of oxytocin explains whycompanionship can increase longevity—even among those who are HIV positive(Young, 2004).
· It may also explain why, among variousspecies of primates, care-giving parents (whether male or female) livesignificantly longer. (Cal Tech, 1998 )
· Oxytocin appears be a major reason thatSSRI’s [Prozac-type drugs] ease depression, perhaps because high levels ofcortisol are the chief culprits in depression and anxiety disorders. (Oxytocincounteracts cortisol's effects.) (Uvnas-Moberg, 1999)
· Oxytocin increases sexual receptivityand counteracts impotence, which may be one reason why this other way of makinglove remains pleasurable. (Pedersen, C.A., 2002), (Arletti, 1997)
Sure enough,scientists are finally beginning to find the connections between oxytocin,regular affection and successful, long-term pair bonds:
· Is Long-Term Love More Than A RarePhenomenon? If So, What Are Its Correlates?
· Oxytocin during the initial stagesof romantic attachment: Relations to couples’ interactive reciprocity
· Sexual Satisfaction andRelationship Happiness in Midlife and Older Couples in Five Countries
However, do not think that spraying oxytocinup your nose, or taking sublingual tabs will in any way reproduce the bondingbenefits described here and elsewhere. These effects only occur when preciseamounts are released in very specific brain structures. Flooding the blood andbrain with oxytocin will cause unwanted side effects and may produce counterproductive mood and perception shifts.
Again, oxytocin reduces cravings andincreases sexual receptivity. This allows making love without orgasm to be surprisingly satisfying. The affection is always there, flowingbetween you and your partner. When we tiptoe around dopamine’s highs and lows,we encourage balance and clear perception of each other. We see each other assources of safety and pleasure, not as sources of recurring stress with briefmoments of sexual pleasure. The real magic of love happens at a neurochemicallevel—and we can choose balance in order to foil the extremes of our genes'plans for us.
If you would like to learn more about a wayto make love that sidesteps humanity's built-in separation mechanism and makesthe most of attachment (oxytocin) visit Karezza Korner.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
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